i know this guy don strangest man weird kind of humour if he was an aussie you’d call him a larrikin loves practical jokes except the last one backfired got him elected to some official function in his shithouse country

don’t know what he’s meant to do would not be surprised if he didn’t either or even care for that matter but man his wife was miffed didn’t want to hold his hand for a while

it wasn’t his fault he set it all up so he would definitely loose i mean he tried everything behaved like a total whacko think it kind of came naturally but i guess the joke’s on him now or possibly on everyone else we’ll see about that

it was all just to boost his brand i think to sell steaks or golf courses or something it’s a bit like a premium brand except there is nothing premium about it just another one of his stunts i guess

thing is in the end he won now he’s trapped there for a few years for a lousy salary unless he can somehow get himself booted out believe me he’s trying serves him right i mean who would want that

in hindsight its easy to see where he went wrong turned out he ran against a woman should have known they’d never give the job to a girl i mean what’s next we’d never hear the end of it

the one thing he’s got right though is fake news how much crap are we fed each day i mean take this platypus for example that is total baloney really an animal with a duck bill and a beaver tail

a mammal with a poisonous spur right who makes stuff like this up even the where the bloody hell are you spot was better than that

that’s what happens when you let so called scientists run rampant all they do is look at books all day probably watch cat videos next thing they tell you is they found some weird animal too much time indoors is what i say

i’ll be honest we fell for it we spent so much time looking at streams and rivers and lakes but we’ve never even seen one

let me tell you one time in northern queensland we sat in perfect stillness for a bloody hour which was hard enough what with the heat up there an everything then we saw a little head pop up went into overdrive camera zoom lens shoot shoot shoot and everything

when we looked at the photos turns out it was a turtle so as far as i am concerned that’s just a cheap excuse to get tourists to some silly backwater placed noone’s even heard of like bombala is that even a name

then they tell people to sit still and wait of course nothing ever happens yeah right it’s nocturnal and shy and whatnot i say it just doesn’t exist

just goes to show people in this country can’t even make up a proper imaginary beast take nessie for example that doesn’t exist either but at least you’d like it to

i mean it’s a monster and everything not just a little furry ducky sort of thing fake news that whole lot of it next thing they’ll start to talk about global warming don’t even get me started

so yeah platypus you can take that and put it where the sun don’t shine apparently that’s where it lives anyway maybe another one of don’s jokes who knows got his fingers everywhere you know what i mean

dropbears are real though heard them yesterday night frightened the bejesus out of us we locked the van double quick man they sound loud and angry would not want to get taken out by one of those buggers nasty i tell you

no journo’s ever written about those things makes you wonder whose best interest they got in mind serves them right people stop reading i mean the few who actually can

ps: any reference to people living or dead is purely intentional.

pps: photos were taken along the great ocean road, at lake elisabeth (where one might catch a glimpse of the elusive platypus but we didn’t), at moonlight bay beach which thankfully has so many steps leading down to the beach the masses give it a miss, the cape otway lighthouse which was the second built on the mainland and the amazing ash forests around cape otway.